Tuesday, February 28, 2006
LOS ANGELES, I'M YOURS
I will be off in Los Angeles for the rest of the week, so I will be posting sporadically, if at all.
If you're in LA and want to see me perform, I'll be doing a show at the UCB Theatre Wednesday night.
It's a show where you get a topic and then have to write jokes around that topic. Which is as much a warning, that I might not be "bringing it" the way I would if I were doing my regualr set. Still and all, it should be fun.
Here's the info:
Pimp'd
Wednesdays at 11:00 pm
at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
5919 Franklin Blvd.
Hollywood
Cost: FREE
Pimp'd is the show where performers (stand-ups, monologists, sketch thesps, wanna-be dancers, actors...) have one week to create 5-7 minutes of new material inspired by a topic drawn from a hat (read: IKEA paperclip holder) the week before. Two performers each week are chosen to go up that night. The audience comes up with the topic, the performers come up with the funny.
THIS WEEK'S GUESTS AND TOPICS
Amanda Egge - Charades
Ron Babcock - Topical Cream
Steve Cwik - NASCAR
BOOKED GUESTS
Joe Wagner - Candy Ass
Liam McEneany - Taboo
Wyatt Cenac, 1/3 Host - Slang
Hosted by
Thomas Fowler, Wyatt Cenac &
Laura Swisher
|
If you're in LA and want to see me perform, I'll be doing a show at the UCB Theatre Wednesday night.
It's a show where you get a topic and then have to write jokes around that topic. Which is as much a warning, that I might not be "bringing it" the way I would if I were doing my regualr set. Still and all, it should be fun.
Here's the info:
Pimp'd
Wednesdays at 11:00 pm
at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
5919 Franklin Blvd.
Hollywood
Cost: FREE
Pimp'd is the show where performers (stand-ups, monologists, sketch thesps, wanna-be dancers, actors...) have one week to create 5-7 minutes of new material inspired by a topic drawn from a hat (read: IKEA paperclip holder) the week before. Two performers each week are chosen to go up that night. The audience comes up with the topic, the performers come up with the funny.
THIS WEEK'S GUESTS AND TOPICS
Amanda Egge - Charades
Ron Babcock - Topical Cream
Steve Cwik - NASCAR
BOOKED GUESTS
Joe Wagner - Candy Ass
Liam McEneany - Taboo
Wyatt Cenac, 1/3 Host - Slang
Hosted by
Thomas Fowler, Wyatt Cenac &
Laura Swisher
Monday, February 27, 2006
MORE LIKE "ARISTO-CRASS" - HIGH-FIVE, COME ON!
On Saturday, I was in a show called "The Aristo-Contest." Based on the Aristocrats joke that became famous through the documentary The Aristocrats, the Aristocrats is a joke handed down from comedian to comedian, a joke that always starts with a family act auditioning for a talent agent and ends with the repulsed agent asking what their name is. The father answers, "The Aristocrats!" In between, the meat of the story is telling all the completely repugnant things the family does during the course of their act.
Anyway, here's my version of The Aristocrats. WARNING: This is not for the squeamish or easily offended. In other words, my mom:
A guy walks into a talent agent's office and says, "Have I got the perfect act for you. It's a family act."
Agent says, "Family act, eh? Bring 'em in."
The father lets loose a whistle, and in walks his wife, who has the most enormous fake boobs. Behind her walks in their 11 year-old daughter clad in a puffy down coat. Behind them walks a retarded kid of indeterminate gender with a huge hunch on his back. The retarded kid is carrying a CD boombox.
On the father's count, the retarded kid presses play, and a karaoke version of "All of Me" plays. the family sings, "All of me, why not take all of me? Can't you see, I'm no good without you?"
The mother sings, "Take my hand..." at which, she rips off her skirt revealing that she's not wearing panties. the retarded kid sticks his finger into her pussy and yanks his arm down. The hand detaches - it's a prosthetic, and remains dangling in the mother's pussy by the middle finger.
The father says, "My it sure is hot in here," and takes off his pants. He starts pissing all over his daughter, but large globs of pus are coming out as well.
"I have dick cancer!" the father yells cheerfully as his daughter wraps her lips around his cock and starts drinking his piss-pus.
"Now Hump de Hump!" screams the father, and the 11 year-old starts humping the retarded kid's hump. it vibrates like crazy. The mother pulls a straight razor out of her own ass and slices her left booby open. She pulls out a large Bedazzler gun and holds it aloft. "It's loaded - " she screams, " - with sesame seeds!"
She then grabs her husband's penis and proceeds to Bedazzle it with the seeds BAM! BAM! BAM! seven in a row, leaving a trail of mangled flesh and blood. As a finale, she Bedazzles one seed into each of his nuts. BAM! BAM!
The room is filled with the smell of blood and seeds. The husband smiles and says: "What do you call it when John Wayne gets the clap from fucking a chicken? Rooster Cockburn."
At this, the girl rips the retarded kid's shirt off, revealing that the hunch is in fact a large birdcage strapped to his back. Inside the birdcage is an angry falcon, going nuts. The daughter opens the cage, and the falcon makes a beeline for the soft meat of the father's mangled crotch, and proceeds to eat it.
"Now!" screams the father, "While he's got the taste of flesh!"
The mother takes the straight razor and cuts her daughter's coat off, revealing that she's naked and pregnant beneath. The daughter lays on the ground with her legs spread and groans. Out of her cooch flies a little half-baby, half puppy - the head of a baby, the body of a tiny little dog - which goes flying through the air. The falcon stops and tracks it.
"Oh!" says the mom, "It looks like a hamster to him!" The falcon swoops through the air and eats the baby puppy mid-air.
""OH GOD HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!" screams the daughter and out flies another baby/puppy monstrosity. The falcon swoops and SNAP! eats this baby too, in two, tiny baby head flying one way, tiny puppy tail flying the other. Six more times this happens SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! the falcon eats them all up.
Once the daughter is done birthing her litter, the retarded kid grabs the falcon and with his brute strength in his one hand, shoves the falcon up his ass, screaming as the falcon rips at his anus with its claws and beak clashing and flailing wildly.
After a minute, he removes its hand screams "IT'S EATING MY TUMMY!"
The father announces, "Big finale!" As the song reaches its crescendo, he lies on his back, his bleeding crotch creating a huge fountain of blood. The daughter gets up and runs over and begins splashing the blood in her face, until it is completely red. She then announces, "I'm Pocahaontas!" and does a rain dance.
Meanwhile, the mother removes the fake hand from her puss and reinserts it wrist-first, so that it dangles between her legs, waving, like a cow's teat. She reveals the fingers have tiny little holes at the tips, and squeezes the hand. Goop squeezes out of the holes.
"I jizzed in that!" the retarded kid announces proudly, and gets on his knees and begins drinking from the hand.
"Ta da!" says the father. "Whaddya think?"
The agent looks at him and says, "Sorry, I was on the phone with my masseuse. Could you do that again?"
The father says, "Okay, but it'lll take a few minutes to set back up."
The agent says, "Actually, that's not necessary. To be honest, I already saw this great family act up at the Aspen Comedy Festival, and I think we're just going to work with them."
"Another family act?" said the father. "What are they called?"
The agent replied, "The Aristocrats."
May god have mercy on my soul.
|
Anyway, here's my version of The Aristocrats. WARNING: This is not for the squeamish or easily offended. In other words, my mom:
A guy walks into a talent agent's office and says, "Have I got the perfect act for you. It's a family act."
Agent says, "Family act, eh? Bring 'em in."
The father lets loose a whistle, and in walks his wife, who has the most enormous fake boobs. Behind her walks in their 11 year-old daughter clad in a puffy down coat. Behind them walks a retarded kid of indeterminate gender with a huge hunch on his back. The retarded kid is carrying a CD boombox.
On the father's count, the retarded kid presses play, and a karaoke version of "All of Me" plays. the family sings, "All of me, why not take all of me? Can't you see, I'm no good without you?"
The mother sings, "Take my hand..." at which, she rips off her skirt revealing that she's not wearing panties. the retarded kid sticks his finger into her pussy and yanks his arm down. The hand detaches - it's a prosthetic, and remains dangling in the mother's pussy by the middle finger.
The father says, "My it sure is hot in here," and takes off his pants. He starts pissing all over his daughter, but large globs of pus are coming out as well.
"I have dick cancer!" the father yells cheerfully as his daughter wraps her lips around his cock and starts drinking his piss-pus.
"Now Hump de Hump!" screams the father, and the 11 year-old starts humping the retarded kid's hump. it vibrates like crazy. The mother pulls a straight razor out of her own ass and slices her left booby open. She pulls out a large Bedazzler gun and holds it aloft. "It's loaded - " she screams, " - with sesame seeds!"
She then grabs her husband's penis and proceeds to Bedazzle it with the seeds BAM! BAM! BAM! seven in a row, leaving a trail of mangled flesh and blood. As a finale, she Bedazzles one seed into each of his nuts. BAM! BAM!
The room is filled with the smell of blood and seeds. The husband smiles and says: "What do you call it when John Wayne gets the clap from fucking a chicken? Rooster Cockburn."
At this, the girl rips the retarded kid's shirt off, revealing that the hunch is in fact a large birdcage strapped to his back. Inside the birdcage is an angry falcon, going nuts. The daughter opens the cage, and the falcon makes a beeline for the soft meat of the father's mangled crotch, and proceeds to eat it.
"Now!" screams the father, "While he's got the taste of flesh!"
The mother takes the straight razor and cuts her daughter's coat off, revealing that she's naked and pregnant beneath. The daughter lays on the ground with her legs spread and groans. Out of her cooch flies a little half-baby, half puppy - the head of a baby, the body of a tiny little dog - which goes flying through the air. The falcon stops and tracks it.
"Oh!" says the mom, "It looks like a hamster to him!" The falcon swoops through the air and eats the baby puppy mid-air.
""OH GOD HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!" screams the daughter and out flies another baby/puppy monstrosity. The falcon swoops and SNAP! eats this baby too, in two, tiny baby head flying one way, tiny puppy tail flying the other. Six more times this happens SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! the falcon eats them all up.
Once the daughter is done birthing her litter, the retarded kid grabs the falcon and with his brute strength in his one hand, shoves the falcon up his ass, screaming as the falcon rips at his anus with its claws and beak clashing and flailing wildly.
After a minute, he removes its hand screams "IT'S EATING MY TUMMY!"
The father announces, "Big finale!" As the song reaches its crescendo, he lies on his back, his bleeding crotch creating a huge fountain of blood. The daughter gets up and runs over and begins splashing the blood in her face, until it is completely red. She then announces, "I'm Pocahaontas!" and does a rain dance.
Meanwhile, the mother removes the fake hand from her puss and reinserts it wrist-first, so that it dangles between her legs, waving, like a cow's teat. She reveals the fingers have tiny little holes at the tips, and squeezes the hand. Goop squeezes out of the holes.
"I jizzed in that!" the retarded kid announces proudly, and gets on his knees and begins drinking from the hand.
"Ta da!" says the father. "Whaddya think?"
The agent looks at him and says, "Sorry, I was on the phone with my masseuse. Could you do that again?"
The father says, "Okay, but it'lll take a few minutes to set back up."
The agent says, "Actually, that's not necessary. To be honest, I already saw this great family act up at the Aspen Comedy Festival, and I think we're just going to work with them."
"Another family act?" said the father. "What are they called?"
The agent replied, "The Aristocrats."
May god have mercy on my soul.
Friday, February 24, 2006
LIVE PODCAST TAPING
Hey all, big show on Monday, it's free. So come on by. Also, I just wanted to thank everyone who came out to Sunday's big taping show. If you missed it, here's the pictures from the show, as taken by our friend Carol, from DrinkAtWork.com
FEBRUARY 27th - THE BIG PODCAST OF 2006
Tell Your Friends! Presents:
"The Big Podcast of 2006"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
We are taping this week's edition for a new live-comedy podcast, to be called "The Big Podcast of 2006," a link to which will be put up when it's online.
WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn
AND:
Todd Hanson
is the head writer for The Onion.
Chris Regan
is a four-time Emmy winning writer for The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart, and co-author of the NY Times bestseller, America: The Book.
Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Jason Trachtenberg
is the paterfamilias of the Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players, having appeared on Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien and toured extensively through Europe and the United States
Claudia Cogan
is a regular at the UCB Theatre, and has appeared on Sirius Sattelite Radio's Raw Dog Comedy station.
Pete Fitzpatrick
plays in a really good band called Clem Snide. Their last album was End of Love and it appeared on the top ten lists of the critics that matter.
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Liam McEneaney & Kambri Crews
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FEBRUARY 27th - THE BIG PODCAST OF 2006
Tell Your Friends! Presents:
"The Big Podcast of 2006"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
We are taping this week's edition for a new live-comedy podcast, to be called "The Big Podcast of 2006," a link to which will be put up when it's online.
WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn
AND:
Todd Hanson
is the head writer for The Onion.
Chris Regan
is a four-time Emmy winning writer for The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart, and co-author of the NY Times bestseller, America: The Book.
Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Jason Trachtenberg
is the paterfamilias of the Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players, having appeared on Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien and toured extensively through Europe and the United States
Claudia Cogan
is a regular at the UCB Theatre, and has appeared on Sirius Sattelite Radio's Raw Dog Comedy station.
Pete Fitzpatrick
plays in a really good band called Clem Snide. Their last album was End of Love and it appeared on the top ten lists of the critics that matter.
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Liam McEneaney & Kambri Crews
Thursday, February 23, 2006
COMPUTARD
I am a guy who looks like he knows a lot about computers.
I am also a guy who hates to disappoint people.
So if you ask me a question about computers, I'll give you an answer, but odds are pretty good it's going to be a bad answer:
"Soyware problem? Spyware's good right? Okay, what you want to do is take the icon on your desktop that says "Macintosh HD' and drag it to your trash can. That'll clear away bad things. Oh, you have a virus? That's caused by demons. You want to do an ancient incan purification ritual. Just bore some holes in the 'head,' or hard drive, of your computer and fill it with incense."
* * * * *
Hey ladies, I may not be in the best shape physically, but financially I'm in terrible shape.
I'm traveling out to LA next week, and I was checking out some hotel rooms in my price range. Apparently, I can just afford to stay in a place where, for an extra ten dollars a night, they wait until you're out of your room to rob you.
I think I'm going to book a room at The Hotel Frigidaire - an abandoned refrigerator right on Hollywood Boulevard.
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I am also a guy who hates to disappoint people.
So if you ask me a question about computers, I'll give you an answer, but odds are pretty good it's going to be a bad answer:
"Soyware problem? Spyware's good right? Okay, what you want to do is take the icon on your desktop that says "Macintosh HD' and drag it to your trash can. That'll clear away bad things. Oh, you have a virus? That's caused by demons. You want to do an ancient incan purification ritual. Just bore some holes in the 'head,' or hard drive, of your computer and fill it with incense."
* * * * *
Hey ladies, I may not be in the best shape physically, but financially I'm in terrible shape.
I'm traveling out to LA next week, and I was checking out some hotel rooms in my price range. Apparently, I can just afford to stay in a place where, for an extra ten dollars a night, they wait until you're out of your room to rob you.
I think I'm going to book a room at The Hotel Frigidaire - an abandoned refrigerator right on Hollywood Boulevard.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
THIS MUST BE A SAUSAGE PARTY, 'CAUSE ALL I'M SEEING IS LINKS!
My creative batteries have seriously run dry, so while I give them a recharge please enjoy these links to sites by people who are more productive than I am - or at least, have a lot of fun wasting their time:
* "Oh yeah? Well you order from McDonald's like this: 'DUHH! My name's Roger Ebert and I like to eat!' " - My friend Eric Drysdale turned me on to Bedazzled!, a blog featuring clips ranging from old '60s bands playing on TV shows to clips of people like John Travolta, William Shatner, and Tony Clifton singing on the old Dinah Shore Show, to - and really best of all - a couple of outtakes of Siskel and Ebert bickering like an old married couple.
* Instant Karma's gonna get you - My friend Susie Felber tells a True Tale of Karma that makes you think that maybe there's some justice in this ol' world after all.
* You get your damn hands off of her! - Crispin Glover's video for his song Clowny Clown Clown, which you may remember hit #17 on the Billboard Top 100 Chart. No, of course I'm lying. But it's a genuinely memorable music video, and completely bizarre.
* Make sure you drop a tab of Ritalin first - My friends have a kickass band called The Howl. Check out their first music video.
* Hamsterbation - What could be better than hamster fan poetry? How about a hamster fan song sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells"? Oh, you're quite welcome.
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* "Oh yeah? Well you order from McDonald's like this: 'DUHH! My name's Roger Ebert and I like to eat!' " - My friend Eric Drysdale turned me on to Bedazzled!, a blog featuring clips ranging from old '60s bands playing on TV shows to clips of people like John Travolta, William Shatner, and Tony Clifton singing on the old Dinah Shore Show, to - and really best of all - a couple of outtakes of Siskel and Ebert bickering like an old married couple.
* Instant Karma's gonna get you - My friend Susie Felber tells a True Tale of Karma that makes you think that maybe there's some justice in this ol' world after all.
* You get your damn hands off of her! - Crispin Glover's video for his song Clowny Clown Clown, which you may remember hit #17 on the Billboard Top 100 Chart. No, of course I'm lying. But it's a genuinely memorable music video, and completely bizarre.
* Make sure you drop a tab of Ritalin first - My friends have a kickass band called The Howl. Check out their first music video.
* Hamsterbation - What could be better than hamster fan poetry? How about a hamster fan song sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells"? Oh, you're quite welcome.
Monday, February 20, 2006
HAPPY PRESIDENT'S DAY EVERYBODY!
I'm celebrating the way I do every year - I'm going to run up to the President and give him a big big hug.
And because it's beneath the office of the President to hug me back, he usually has his Secret Service agents do it. They generally hug me so hard that we all fall to the ground.
The other way I celebrate President's Day is with my DEEP DISCOUNTS ON THE ALREADY LOW LOW LOW PRICES ON NEW CARS, USED CARS, ALL YEARS AND MODELS!
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And because it's beneath the office of the President to hug me back, he usually has his Secret Service agents do it. They generally hug me so hard that we all fall to the ground.
The other way I celebrate President's Day is with my DEEP DISCOUNTS ON THE ALREADY LOW LOW LOW PRICES ON NEW CARS, USED CARS, ALL YEARS AND MODELS!
Friday, February 17, 2006
IF YOU MISSED LAST WEEK'S "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
Have no fear, DrinkAtWork.com was there taking pictures, Click that link right there to see what you missed.
By the way, I know that a heart attack induced by getting shot in the face is nothing to sneeze at, and I genuinely have nothing but sympathy for that guy, but am I the only person who hears the phrase "Dick Cheney's hunting buddy" and feel like he kind of deserved it? And that's why I don't deserve happiness.
Also, I'm not saying that I'm entitled to crazy amounts of respect, but why is it that the only time i'm called "sir" is when someone wants money from me?
Whether it's telemarketers or homeless guys, they're the only people who ever call me "sir."
All I'm saying is, if i was in King Arthur's court, my knight name would have been, "Sir Gotanychange."
And with that, here's this week's installment of:
FEBRUARY 20th
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn
AND:
Jessi Klein
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," was Rolling Stone's "Hot Comic" for 2005, and is a writer/correspondant for Comedy Central's "The Showbiz Show w/ David Spade"
Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Kristen Schaal
was called "The Funniest Comedian You've Never heard Of" by New York magazine, and is heading for the Aspen Comedy Festival
Jon Friedman
is the creator/host of the very popular "Rejection Show." Somehow, he knows all these New Yorker cartoonists
Ann Carr
is a character comedienne and a regular member of "The Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There Is A Game" show
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney
|
By the way, I know that a heart attack induced by getting shot in the face is nothing to sneeze at, and I genuinely have nothing but sympathy for that guy, but am I the only person who hears the phrase "Dick Cheney's hunting buddy" and feel like he kind of deserved it? And that's why I don't deserve happiness.
Also, I'm not saying that I'm entitled to crazy amounts of respect, but why is it that the only time i'm called "sir" is when someone wants money from me?
Whether it's telemarketers or homeless guys, they're the only people who ever call me "sir."
All I'm saying is, if i was in King Arthur's court, my knight name would have been, "Sir Gotanychange."
And with that, here's this week's installment of:
FEBRUARY 20th
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn
AND:
Jessi Klein
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," was Rolling Stone's "Hot Comic" for 2005, and is a writer/correspondant for Comedy Central's "The Showbiz Show w/ David Spade"
Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Kristen Schaal
was called "The Funniest Comedian You've Never heard Of" by New York magazine, and is heading for the Aspen Comedy Festival
Jon Friedman
is the creator/host of the very popular "Rejection Show." Somehow, he knows all these New Yorker cartoonists
Ann Carr
is a character comedienne and a regular member of "The Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There Is A Game" show
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney
Thursday, February 16, 2006
RAIDER? I HARDLY KNOW 'ER!
I felt bad that today's post was just going to be me plumbing the shallows of my soul, so I'm also throwing this joke out there. Please feel free to skip the second post of the day.*
I'm not a racist. I don't discriminate based on race, but that's only because technically Oakland Raiders fans are considered a species.
I've seen less rowdy drunks in the stands at a rodeo.
Holy shit, I'd rather be caught in a Detroit race riot than the stands of a Raiders game.
Because at least in the Detroit race riot, you know that at some point, law and order will be restored.
And in case you think that I'm just discriminating against Oakland Raiders fans, no. I also hate Oakland A's fans.
Sometimes I'll see coverage of an A's game and think, "Did these people think they were going to a baseball game or a Gwar concert?"
Last year, you actually saw the players beating up drunken fans trying to get onto the field.
Hey pal, if you want to get on the field at an A's game, you'd better earn it with a .235 batting average and a 1-in-5 chance of being able to catch a baseball.
By the way, yes I do enjoy angry comments, thanks for asking.
* Or feel free to skip both posts. I'm sure Gawker Stalker has some excellent Sarah Jessica Parker sightings you'll enjoy,
|
I'm not a racist. I don't discriminate based on race, but that's only because technically Oakland Raiders fans are considered a species.
I've seen less rowdy drunks in the stands at a rodeo.
Holy shit, I'd rather be caught in a Detroit race riot than the stands of a Raiders game.
Because at least in the Detroit race riot, you know that at some point, law and order will be restored.
And in case you think that I'm just discriminating against Oakland Raiders fans, no. I also hate Oakland A's fans.
Sometimes I'll see coverage of an A's game and think, "Did these people think they were going to a baseball game or a Gwar concert?"
Last year, you actually saw the players beating up drunken fans trying to get onto the field.
Hey pal, if you want to get on the field at an A's game, you'd better earn it with a .235 batting average and a 1-in-5 chance of being able to catch a baseball.
By the way, yes I do enjoy angry comments, thanks for asking.
* Or feel free to skip both posts. I'm sure Gawker Stalker has some excellent Sarah Jessica Parker sightings you'll enjoy,
I DELETED TODAY'S POST
Because it was too, how do I put this, heavy and self-important. I don't generally like to open up to close friends, let alone an entire Internet full of strangers.
Needless to say, I came to the realization that New York is ultimately a lonely city, and that a party I went to on Valentine's Day underscored something fundamentally wrong with the social scene in this city (it was a really good party), which is that there's too many people my age - myself included - who have confused loneliness and lust, who need a connection and attempt to find that by getting drunk and making out and hooking up with as many people as possible.
And believe me when I say that that's fine for a while, because it's easy and fun. But if you choose the life of least resistance, you can't then turn around and complain that you've never made a real emotional, even spiritual connection (I did once, but I've already bored folks with that story, and it turned out not-so-good).
I'm not saying that I'm a modern St. Augustine, that I'm turning my back on the pleasures of the flesh to search for a higher spiritual understanding. But I think that - shit, I really think that I'm getting long-winded and dull. Hell, if you wanted some idiot preaching at you, you'd be at Idiot church right now.
Long story short, I don't want to be thirty-five years old and playing Truth or Dare at a party. Hell, I don't want to be 28 years old and playing Truth or Dare at a party.
And yes, a really good party can underscore what's wrong with your life in a way that a really lame party can't. Because a really lame party offers only one temptation, which is to leave and try to find a better party.
|
Needless to say, I came to the realization that New York is ultimately a lonely city, and that a party I went to on Valentine's Day underscored something fundamentally wrong with the social scene in this city (it was a really good party), which is that there's too many people my age - myself included - who have confused loneliness and lust, who need a connection and attempt to find that by getting drunk and making out and hooking up with as many people as possible.
And believe me when I say that that's fine for a while, because it's easy and fun. But if you choose the life of least resistance, you can't then turn around and complain that you've never made a real emotional, even spiritual connection (I did once, but I've already bored folks with that story, and it turned out not-so-good).
I'm not saying that I'm a modern St. Augustine, that I'm turning my back on the pleasures of the flesh to search for a higher spiritual understanding. But I think that - shit, I really think that I'm getting long-winded and dull. Hell, if you wanted some idiot preaching at you, you'd be at Idiot church right now.
Long story short, I don't want to be thirty-five years old and playing Truth or Dare at a party. Hell, I don't want to be 28 years old and playing Truth or Dare at a party.
And yes, a really good party can underscore what's wrong with your life in a way that a really lame party can't. Because a really lame party offers only one temptation, which is to leave and try to find a better party.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
BROKE UP WITH A WOMAN ONCE
And it ended badly, but I guess I still kind of missed some of those things she would do for me, and you know how you get lonely, and so one night I called an escort - had her come over - and I paid her $150 to annoy me for an hour.
I also called a phone sex line and had the lady pretend to be drunk and get into a fight with me because I didn't like the birthday card she'd bought me. For an extra twenty bucks, she let me win the argument.
* * * * *
Kids are like farts. They're only not annoying when they're your own.
* * * * *
I read a profile of this guy in The New Yorker, where he describes himself as a "modern day abolitionist."
That's a pretty bold stand to take 150 years after the Civil War ended.
Me, I'm fairly pro-Washington. I don't care if I do annoy mad king George, I'm taking a bold stand here.
Now, if you want to impress me, take a pro-slavery stance. I mean, I won't agree with you, but at least it makes sense as an act of defiance.
|
I also called a phone sex line and had the lady pretend to be drunk and get into a fight with me because I didn't like the birthday card she'd bought me. For an extra twenty bucks, she let me win the argument.
* * * * *
Kids are like farts. They're only not annoying when they're your own.
* * * * *
I read a profile of this guy in The New Yorker, where he describes himself as a "modern day abolitionist."
That's a pretty bold stand to take 150 years after the Civil War ended.
Me, I'm fairly pro-Washington. I don't care if I do annoy mad king George, I'm taking a bold stand here.
Now, if you want to impress me, take a pro-slavery stance. I mean, I won't agree with you, but at least it makes sense as an act of defiance.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
TODAY'S POST IS LIKE MY PERSONAL "SILLY LOVE SONGS"
I'm not 100% sure what that means, although I do have a suspicion. Anyway, happy Valentine's Day.
I will be celebrating Valentine's Day this year the same position I end up in every year - the fetal position, on my bathroom floor, crying chocolate-stained tears. As I do every year, I'm reprinting my Valentine's Day poem. I hope you enjoy it:
* * * * *
AFTER I BROKE UP WITH YOU:
A POEM I WROTE ON VALENTINE'S DAY
by Liam McEneaney
After I broke up with you, I started thinking about you and me.
After I broke up with you, I started drinking to the way we used to be.
Do you remember? I do,
The way you owe me forty bucks.
I mean, no big deal, whenever you can get it to me is cool,
It's not like it bothers me or anything.
It's only forty bucks.
But still, you've owed it to me for a while now, and a little consideration would be nice.
All right, I won't bring it up again.
Now you say you think about me,
That you love me, and can not live without me.
But that's not what you were saying when I made all those jokes about wanting to have sex with your roommate.
Woman: Ficklety is thy name!
Come on now, honestly. If I thought for one second your roommate would actually be into me, do you really think i would have brought it up so many times?
No sense of humor, that's your problem.
Um, your roommate isn't into me, is she? Just, I know the way you girls talk.
You say it's the little things you're missing,
My little touches along the nape of your neck, my softest kissing.
And there are things I miss too,
Like that forty bucks I lent you.
I know I said I wouldn't bring it up, but I know how you forget the important things.
Like the time you said you'd pay my cable bill and then forgot after you had to go to the emergency room.
And I had to go without seeing that VH1 special on the Go-Gos.
You know how much I love the Go-Gos.
Seriously, I know that when I lent you the forty bucks, I may have used words like, "Keep it, it's yours, it's a gift, please take it I don't expect it back."
But honey, you have to know when I'm kidding.
This goes back to that whole "No Sense of Humor Thing" I was just talking about.
Like that time your sister accused me of making a drunken pass at her at your cousin's wedding,
And I told you she was a liar and that she was stealing money from your grandmother's purse for heroin,
And you didn't talk to her for eight months.
Well, of course I was just kidding.
Besides, I needed that money more than your grandmother did.
Your grandfather's insurance left her loaded.
I mean, how else was I going to pay for your birthday dinner? My job?
I can't believe you actually thought I had a job. Get real!
Vice-President of Finance at Goldman Sachs?
Honey, would the Vice President of Finance dress like this?
Where was I? Oh yeah, so you see why I needed that money for your birthday dinner.
And frankly, I was as surprised as you were that I ended up taking that money to Atlantic City and losing it all on blackjack.
It was real romantic the way you came and picked me up, and drove me back.
That's when the trouble began.
Your friends started putting ideas in your head,
Mean, awful ideas like "self-respect," and "you need a man who doesn't use you."
Frankly, I was as insulted as you were.
And so I had to dump you.
I can't be seeing someone who's weak enough to be swayed by the first trendy self-help idea that comes down the pike.
If I ever meet that Dr. Phil guy, I'm gonna punch him in the nose.
As I stand here among my belongings, which you are even now throwing out of your third-floor apartment window, I say this:
All right, but I'm only going to give you one last chance.
To give me my forty bucks back.
|
I will be celebrating Valentine's Day this year the same position I end up in every year - the fetal position, on my bathroom floor, crying chocolate-stained tears. As I do every year, I'm reprinting my Valentine's Day poem. I hope you enjoy it:
* * * * *
AFTER I BROKE UP WITH YOU:
A POEM I WROTE ON VALENTINE'S DAY
by Liam McEneaney
After I broke up with you, I started thinking about you and me.
After I broke up with you, I started drinking to the way we used to be.
Do you remember? I do,
The way you owe me forty bucks.
I mean, no big deal, whenever you can get it to me is cool,
It's not like it bothers me or anything.
It's only forty bucks.
But still, you've owed it to me for a while now, and a little consideration would be nice.
All right, I won't bring it up again.
Now you say you think about me,
That you love me, and can not live without me.
But that's not what you were saying when I made all those jokes about wanting to have sex with your roommate.
Woman: Ficklety is thy name!
Come on now, honestly. If I thought for one second your roommate would actually be into me, do you really think i would have brought it up so many times?
No sense of humor, that's your problem.
Um, your roommate isn't into me, is she? Just, I know the way you girls talk.
You say it's the little things you're missing,
My little touches along the nape of your neck, my softest kissing.
And there are things I miss too,
Like that forty bucks I lent you.
I know I said I wouldn't bring it up, but I know how you forget the important things.
Like the time you said you'd pay my cable bill and then forgot after you had to go to the emergency room.
And I had to go without seeing that VH1 special on the Go-Gos.
You know how much I love the Go-Gos.
Seriously, I know that when I lent you the forty bucks, I may have used words like, "Keep it, it's yours, it's a gift, please take it I don't expect it back."
But honey, you have to know when I'm kidding.
This goes back to that whole "No Sense of Humor Thing" I was just talking about.
Like that time your sister accused me of making a drunken pass at her at your cousin's wedding,
And I told you she was a liar and that she was stealing money from your grandmother's purse for heroin,
And you didn't talk to her for eight months.
Well, of course I was just kidding.
Besides, I needed that money more than your grandmother did.
Your grandfather's insurance left her loaded.
I mean, how else was I going to pay for your birthday dinner? My job?
I can't believe you actually thought I had a job. Get real!
Vice-President of Finance at Goldman Sachs?
Honey, would the Vice President of Finance dress like this?
Where was I? Oh yeah, so you see why I needed that money for your birthday dinner.
And frankly, I was as surprised as you were that I ended up taking that money to Atlantic City and losing it all on blackjack.
It was real romantic the way you came and picked me up, and drove me back.
That's when the trouble began.
Your friends started putting ideas in your head,
Mean, awful ideas like "self-respect," and "you need a man who doesn't use you."
Frankly, I was as insulted as you were.
And so I had to dump you.
I can't be seeing someone who's weak enough to be swayed by the first trendy self-help idea that comes down the pike.
If I ever meet that Dr. Phil guy, I'm gonna punch him in the nose.
As I stand here among my belongings, which you are even now throwing out of your third-floor apartment window, I say this:
All right, but I'm only going to give you one last chance.
To give me my forty bucks back.
Monday, February 13, 2006
SNOW BUSINESS
It's hilarious to me how New Yorkers always get worked up when there's a heavy snow.
Do we live in frontier times? If there's more than six inches on the ground, no one's going to have to eat each other to survive (unless that's what she wants, heh heh heh cough cough embarassed look around to see if anyone heard that).
Whenever they predict heavy snow, the first thing people in my neighborhood do is go to the store and buy milk and eggs and bread. Which is important, in case our city's french toast supply line gets cut off.
What' I'm saying is, if you were planning to come down to the Lolita Bar tonight, the show will be going on.
* * * * *
My uncle is a complete psychotic, hears voices that tell him to do bad things.
But he's also the laziest man I've ever met.
So I'll get phone calls from him like: "Hey Liam, do you know where I can get a gun?"
"Um, why?"
"Because the voices are telling me I must kill President Reagan."
"I don't know how to tell you this, but he died two years ago."
"Dammit, someone beat me to it again!"
In fact, he's so lazy, even the voices in his head have given up on getting him to do stuff. Now they say things like:
"Get a job."
"Jesus, it's three in the afternoon. Haven't you showered yet?"
"Oswald wasn't even 25 when he killed the President."
|
Do we live in frontier times? If there's more than six inches on the ground, no one's going to have to eat each other to survive (unless that's what she wants, heh heh heh cough cough embarassed look around to see if anyone heard that).
Whenever they predict heavy snow, the first thing people in my neighborhood do is go to the store and buy milk and eggs and bread. Which is important, in case our city's french toast supply line gets cut off.
What' I'm saying is, if you were planning to come down to the Lolita Bar tonight, the show will be going on.
* * * * *
My uncle is a complete psychotic, hears voices that tell him to do bad things.
But he's also the laziest man I've ever met.
So I'll get phone calls from him like: "Hey Liam, do you know where I can get a gun?"
"Um, why?"
"Because the voices are telling me I must kill President Reagan."
"I don't know how to tell you this, but he died two years ago."
"Dammit, someone beat me to it again!"
In fact, he's so lazy, even the voices in his head have given up on getting him to do stuff. Now they say things like:
"Get a job."
"Jesus, it's three in the afternoon. Haven't you showered yet?"
"Oswald wasn't even 25 when he killed the President."
Friday, February 10, 2006
CHOSEN ONE? MORE LIKE SHOWS N' FUN!
I was going to include some links and content, but it's nearly four in the morning and I'm tired. Sorry!
Instead, please check out these two shows that I'm plugging. The first one is next Sunday - not this Sunday, but next Sunday - I'm making a half-hour tape to send to Comedy Central to be considered for one of their fancy half-hour specials. I think you can buy advance tickets through ticketweb.com if that's what you're into, but since I'm not sure it's going to sell out, there's no need to worry.
The other show is, of course, Tell Your Friends!, which will feature a special suprise guest. And by "surprise," I mean - I'll be genuinely surprised if they ever get back to me.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 19th
"Liam Does A Half-Hour"
at Mo Pitkins
34 Ave. A, off of E. 3rd St.
Take the F train to 2nd Ave.
7:00pm - $5.00
Liam McEneaney headlines this show, with his opening acts Rob Paravonian and The Domestics
* * * * *
FEBRUARY 13th - MY FUNNY VALENTINE
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
WITH:
Bob Powers
is the creator of the cult hits girlsarepretty.com and "How To Kick People." He has a book coming out with St. martin's Press called "Happy Cruelty Day," and he's heading for the Aspen Comedy Festival.
Liam McEneaney
is from Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Keith Farnan
is our guest from Ireland. He won the Gong Show at the Comedy Store in London, which is a big deal there.
Amanda Melson
a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo," the famous "Saturday Night Rewritten," and "Sara Schaeffer Is Obsessed With You"
The Fools
North/South Records' moody, introspective folk duo, whose dynamic lies somewhere between Neil Young and the Indigo Girls
AND Another Guest
if we ever hear from them.
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney
|
Instead, please check out these two shows that I'm plugging. The first one is next Sunday - not this Sunday, but next Sunday - I'm making a half-hour tape to send to Comedy Central to be considered for one of their fancy half-hour specials. I think you can buy advance tickets through ticketweb.com if that's what you're into, but since I'm not sure it's going to sell out, there's no need to worry.
The other show is, of course, Tell Your Friends!, which will feature a special suprise guest. And by "surprise," I mean - I'll be genuinely surprised if they ever get back to me.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 19th
"Liam Does A Half-Hour"
at Mo Pitkins
34 Ave. A, off of E. 3rd St.
Take the F train to 2nd Ave.
7:00pm - $5.00
Liam McEneaney headlines this show, with his opening acts Rob Paravonian and The Domestics
* * * * *
FEBRUARY 13th - MY FUNNY VALENTINE
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
WITH:
Bob Powers
is the creator of the cult hits girlsarepretty.com and "How To Kick People." He has a book coming out with St. martin's Press called "Happy Cruelty Day," and he's heading for the Aspen Comedy Festival.
Liam McEneaney
is from Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Keith Farnan
is our guest from Ireland. He won the Gong Show at the Comedy Store in London, which is a big deal there.
Amanda Melson
a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo," the famous "Saturday Night Rewritten," and "Sara Schaeffer Is Obsessed With You"
The Fools
North/South Records' moody, introspective folk duo, whose dynamic lies somewhere between Neil Young and the Indigo Girls
AND Another Guest
if we ever hear from them.
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney
Thursday, February 09, 2006
DON'T LET THEM BITE
Bedbugs is the new herpes. Go with me here, this leads to a harrowing story.
Back in the day when AIDS had everyone freaked out (remember AIDS?), they traced the disease back to the guy who supposedly originally brought it over - an airline attendant named "Patient Zero," who, the urban legend goes, had sex with a monkey in Africa and contracted the virus that mutated into HIV.
My point is, they should do the same thing with the bedbug epidemic in New York, trace it back to the guy who originally brought them into the city, and when they find him, publicly flog him in Times Square.
Bedbugs isn't the new herpes. It's worse. At least with herpes, it's pretty easy to figure out who has it. If you meet a woman in a bar, and she says something like, "I followed Kid Rock on tour last summer," then you know, oh yeah, she's got herpes.
Whereas, with bedbugs, you have to spend a lot more time asking a lot more questions, questions like, "So, you ever feel - you know - itchy? At ngiht?"
Or, "Know any good used mattress dealers?'
Or even, "Hey, that thing on your face is a big pimple right? Because it could be a bug bite or a wart. Please tell me it's a wart."
------
Anyway, if you don't know, bedbugs are these horrible little insects, about the size and color of an apple seed, that sleep in your bed or your walls and come out at night to suck your blood - to feed on blood of the living.
The worst part is, they hide in clothes, so if someone has bedbugs then a bedbug could hitch a ride in their pants and jump to your pants, or if they sleep over, right to your mattress. That's why it's worse than herpes - you could theoretically get it without even the benefit of having sex.
A friend of mine told me recently that he'd gotten them from his girlfriend. She'd suspected they'd been getting bitten - they were waking up with bug-bites - and one day she lifted her mattress, and between the mattress and the boxspring were all these disgusting little bedbugs.
Now, when I hear a story like that, I immediately get paranoid. Especially since, about six months ago I'd been getting bitten by mosquitos in my sleep. I knew they were mosquitos because they would buzz in my ear, and I used Deep Woods Off for two days and that was the end of that problem. Also, I would see the mosquitos buzzing around my computer. But still, you hear a story like that, and you say, "Well, it wouldn't kill me to check, would it?"
So that night, I went home, and after chickening out a couple of times, finally went into my room and lifted the matress. And there, resting on the boxspring, were two small black objects, the size and shape of apple seeds. I touched one, and it skittered away at my touch, and then rested still a couple of inches away.
I stared at these two disgusting things for a second, and then decided that the only recourse I had was to face this thing head on. So I took a piece of newspaper and used it to press down heavy on one of them. I picked it up through the paper and examined it. And there I found - it was an apple seed.
Now I have a question that is less disturbing although no less urgent - why do I have apple seeds under my mattress?
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Back in the day when AIDS had everyone freaked out (remember AIDS?), they traced the disease back to the guy who supposedly originally brought it over - an airline attendant named "Patient Zero," who, the urban legend goes, had sex with a monkey in Africa and contracted the virus that mutated into HIV.
My point is, they should do the same thing with the bedbug epidemic in New York, trace it back to the guy who originally brought them into the city, and when they find him, publicly flog him in Times Square.
Bedbugs isn't the new herpes. It's worse. At least with herpes, it's pretty easy to figure out who has it. If you meet a woman in a bar, and she says something like, "I followed Kid Rock on tour last summer," then you know, oh yeah, she's got herpes.
Whereas, with bedbugs, you have to spend a lot more time asking a lot more questions, questions like, "So, you ever feel - you know - itchy? At ngiht?"
Or, "Know any good used mattress dealers?'
Or even, "Hey, that thing on your face is a big pimple right? Because it could be a bug bite or a wart. Please tell me it's a wart."
------
Anyway, if you don't know, bedbugs are these horrible little insects, about the size and color of an apple seed, that sleep in your bed or your walls and come out at night to suck your blood - to feed on blood of the living.
The worst part is, they hide in clothes, so if someone has bedbugs then a bedbug could hitch a ride in their pants and jump to your pants, or if they sleep over, right to your mattress. That's why it's worse than herpes - you could theoretically get it without even the benefit of having sex.
A friend of mine told me recently that he'd gotten them from his girlfriend. She'd suspected they'd been getting bitten - they were waking up with bug-bites - and one day she lifted her mattress, and between the mattress and the boxspring were all these disgusting little bedbugs.
Now, when I hear a story like that, I immediately get paranoid. Especially since, about six months ago I'd been getting bitten by mosquitos in my sleep. I knew they were mosquitos because they would buzz in my ear, and I used Deep Woods Off for two days and that was the end of that problem. Also, I would see the mosquitos buzzing around my computer. But still, you hear a story like that, and you say, "Well, it wouldn't kill me to check, would it?"
So that night, I went home, and after chickening out a couple of times, finally went into my room and lifted the matress. And there, resting on the boxspring, were two small black objects, the size and shape of apple seeds. I touched one, and it skittered away at my touch, and then rested still a couple of inches away.
I stared at these two disgusting things for a second, and then decided that the only recourse I had was to face this thing head on. So I took a piece of newspaper and used it to press down heavy on one of them. I picked it up through the paper and examined it. And there I found - it was an apple seed.
Now I have a question that is less disturbing although no less urgent - why do I have apple seeds under my mattress?
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
LAST WEEK I CAUGHT SOME CABLE NEWS SHOWS
And I actually feel sorry for Bill O'Reilly. Because karma is a motherfucker, and as punishment for doing a show like The O'Reilly Report, he has to spend the rest of his life dealing with Bill O'Reilly fans. And that is not fun, believe me.
Now, I genuinely have nothing against conservatives; I mean, I generally don't agree with them, but I've talked to quite a few who are good people with interesting points to make.
But Bill O'Reilly fans, Jesus what a mob of unruly knuckle-draggers. He'd have his highest-rated show in history if he called it, "The Secret To Making Fire."
I suspect that when he goes home, even Bill O'Reilly makes fun of Bill O'Reilly fans: "'Ted Kennedy wants mandatory abortions in schools'? I mean, what kind of moron really believes that shit?"
* * * * *
When are we going to stop pretending that these cable news networks are different than each other? They all look exactly the same, they have the same-looking "personalities" yammering about the same exact stories. And they all have the same corporate right-wing agenda.
But I love how people act like, ideologically, they're at opposite ends of the Universe, when the truth is the only difference they have is the degrees to which they disagree about how awesome the President is.
CNN only thinks Bush is kind of awesome, so they're the "liberal" network. Whereas FOX News thinks that Bush is only slightly less awesome than Jesus, so they're the "right wing" network. And if anyone ever watched MSNBC, I'm sure they'd have an identity, too.
Don't get me wrong; CNN is slightly more liberal, and you can tell because they clearly believe in charity and handouts and giving jobs to the otherwise unemployable.
And if you don't believe me, then try watching "Larry King Live" some time. Never was a show so badly misnamed.
The only way it could be more awkward was if Larry King actually had the technology to fart through your TV screen.
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Now, I genuinely have nothing against conservatives; I mean, I generally don't agree with them, but I've talked to quite a few who are good people with interesting points to make.
But Bill O'Reilly fans, Jesus what a mob of unruly knuckle-draggers. He'd have his highest-rated show in history if he called it, "The Secret To Making Fire."
I suspect that when he goes home, even Bill O'Reilly makes fun of Bill O'Reilly fans: "'Ted Kennedy wants mandatory abortions in schools'? I mean, what kind of moron really believes that shit?"
* * * * *
When are we going to stop pretending that these cable news networks are different than each other? They all look exactly the same, they have the same-looking "personalities" yammering about the same exact stories. And they all have the same corporate right-wing agenda.
But I love how people act like, ideologically, they're at opposite ends of the Universe, when the truth is the only difference they have is the degrees to which they disagree about how awesome the President is.
CNN only thinks Bush is kind of awesome, so they're the "liberal" network. Whereas FOX News thinks that Bush is only slightly less awesome than Jesus, so they're the "right wing" network. And if anyone ever watched MSNBC, I'm sure they'd have an identity, too.
Don't get me wrong; CNN is slightly more liberal, and you can tell because they clearly believe in charity and handouts and giving jobs to the otherwise unemployable.
And if you don't believe me, then try watching "Larry King Live" some time. Never was a show so badly misnamed.
The only way it could be more awkward was if Larry King actually had the technology to fart through your TV screen.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
SAW THE MOVIE DELIVERANCE ONCE
at a revival house-type cinema. If you don't know, it's very famous for a scene where ned Beatty is made love to by several hillbillies while being forced to squeal like a pig. It's very romantic until the part where the hillbillies are killed with a crossbow.
During the scene where our heroes are burying the dead hillbillies, a guy two seats over reeeeaches over with his foot and starts rubbing my leg with it.
Now, I didn't mind the fact that he assumed that I was gay.
What I did mind was that fact that he assumed I was really into rape/murder.
Because you have to be giving off some serious scumbag vibes for someone to look over at you and say, "Oh yeah, rape/murder, this guy's clearly getting some serious wood. Our first date is going to be the city morgue."
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During the scene where our heroes are burying the dead hillbillies, a guy two seats over reeeeaches over with his foot and starts rubbing my leg with it.
Now, I didn't mind the fact that he assumed that I was gay.
What I did mind was that fact that he assumed I was really into rape/murder.
Because you have to be giving off some serious scumbag vibes for someone to look over at you and say, "Oh yeah, rape/murder, this guy's clearly getting some serious wood. Our first date is going to be the city morgue."
Monday, February 06, 2006
POKE CRACK MOUNTIN'
is the name of the MAD Magazine Brokeback Mountain movie parody, or at least it would be if we lived in the alternate universe where Mad would do a feature about a gay cowboy sex movie. Oh, and by the way, you are more than welcome for that delicious little pun.
* * * * *
So yeah, I saw Brokeback Mountain this weekend, and it was a-ight. Part of the problem is that anyone seeing this movie knows going in that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are going to "do it" (sex) in that tent. The only dramatic tension is when you're like, "So when are they going to 'do it' (sex) already?"
I think in order to make it more interesting, one in ten of the prints of the movie they put in the theatres should randomly be a different edit, where Jake Gyllenhaal starts making out with Heath Ledger, but Heath Ledger is totally not into it. And he says, "Oh my God dude, what are you doing? I told you I'm getting married when we get off this mountain."
And Jake Gyllenhaal has to pretend he was just kidding, or he accidentally tripped and landed face-first into Heath Ledger or something. And then the next 90 minutes is just the two of them awkwardly avoiding each other:
"Hey, uh, what's up?"
"Oh, nothin'. By the way, don't bother to make me dinner. I, um, am going to eat out tonight."
* * * * *
I went to the movie with a lady. Because this is a great movie to suggest for a date if you enjoy sending mixed messages.
And - look, I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, so let's just say that at some point towards the end of the movie, something bad happens to Jake Gyllenhaal's character when he gets killed in a gay-bashing incident. But that's all, really, I'm not going to give any details away because what kind of asshole does that?
Anyway - And she starts crying when Jake Gyllenhaal's character gets killed. Here's a tip fellas - if your date starts crying at that point, it's apparently not a good idea to pat her comfortingly and say, "There there. He's in hell now, with all the other gays."
I wish I could say that I'd thought of that and made it up on my blog, instead of thinking it up and saying it out loud in the theatre.
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* * * * *
So yeah, I saw Brokeback Mountain this weekend, and it was a-ight. Part of the problem is that anyone seeing this movie knows going in that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are going to "do it" (sex) in that tent. The only dramatic tension is when you're like, "So when are they going to 'do it' (sex) already?"
I think in order to make it more interesting, one in ten of the prints of the movie they put in the theatres should randomly be a different edit, where Jake Gyllenhaal starts making out with Heath Ledger, but Heath Ledger is totally not into it. And he says, "Oh my God dude, what are you doing? I told you I'm getting married when we get off this mountain."
And Jake Gyllenhaal has to pretend he was just kidding, or he accidentally tripped and landed face-first into Heath Ledger or something. And then the next 90 minutes is just the two of them awkwardly avoiding each other:
"Hey, uh, what's up?"
"Oh, nothin'. By the way, don't bother to make me dinner. I, um, am going to eat out tonight."
* * * * *
I went to the movie with a lady. Because this is a great movie to suggest for a date if you enjoy sending mixed messages.
And - look, I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, so let's just say that at some point towards the end of the movie, something bad happens to Jake Gyllenhaal's character when he gets killed in a gay-bashing incident. But that's all, really, I'm not going to give any details away because what kind of asshole does that?
Anyway - And she starts crying when Jake Gyllenhaal's character gets killed. Here's a tip fellas - if your date starts crying at that point, it's apparently not a good idea to pat her comfortingly and say, "There there. He's in hell now, with all the other gays."
I wish I could say that I'd thought of that and made it up on my blog, instead of thinking it up and saying it out loud in the theatre.
Friday, February 03, 2006
I WAS GONNA WRITE TODAY
But then I slept eight hours last night, woke up tired from that and then had to go help my dad at my parents' house - the two seconds of work this entailed so exhausted me that I then took a three hour nap in the afternoon, and to be honest, I'm about ready to crash. Only the chore of writing this blog entry is keeping me awake. That's right, my eleven hours of sleep has wiped me out.
By the way, those of you reading this blog at your "real" job positively hate me right now. Just remember that when you enjoy things that your job gets you, like money. And health insurance. Respect in the eyes of yourself and others. One thing you can say about accountancy as a profession is that this conversation never takes place at a party:
YOU: I'm an accountant.
OTHER PERSON (cocking their head slightly in disbelief) That's your job?
YOU: Yes.
OTHER PERSON: But how do you make your living?
YOU: I sell my blood. To Satanists. For their rituals.
OTHER PERSON: Oh well that makes a lot more sense.
Anyways, I have not one but two shows upcoming I need to tell you about. The second one, of course, is "Tell Your Friends!", and to be honest, we have such an awesome lineup that I don't even need to sell you on it. The information is below.
The first one, however, I need people to come out to. I'll be taping a half-hour set to send in to Comedy Central in the hopes that they'll be giving me one of those fancy half-hour specials they seem to enjoy producing.
It's two weeks from now, on Sunday, February 19th, at Mo Pitkin's, which is at 34 Ave. A, on the corner of East 3rd St. It will be at 7:00pm, and the cover will be five dollars, and there's no drink minimum, although you are encouraged to drink if you like to. My friends Rob Paravonian and The Domestics will be opening for me.
-----------
FEBRUARY 6th
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn
Baron's been seen on VH1'S "Best Week Ever," and is heading to the presitigious Aspen Comedy Festival
AND:
Tom Shillue
has been seen on his own Comedy Central Presents half-hour special, Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien, and The Daily Show, as well as many commercials.
Christian Finnegan
has been seen on his own Comedy Central Presents half-hour special, he's your favorite commentator on VH1's "Best Week Ever," he was Chad The White Guy on Chappelle's Show's "Mad Real World Sketch," and much more.
Liam McEneaney
from Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Todd Levin
From "Premium Blend," and is heading for the Aspen Comedy Festival. Shit's blowing up, yo!
Jay Nog
Teaches standup comedy to grade school kids
AND OUR MUSICAL GUEST:
The Domestics
Making their triumphant return to Tell Your Friends!, they once opened fot Echo & The Bunnymen in Las Vegas
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney
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By the way, those of you reading this blog at your "real" job positively hate me right now. Just remember that when you enjoy things that your job gets you, like money. And health insurance. Respect in the eyes of yourself and others. One thing you can say about accountancy as a profession is that this conversation never takes place at a party:
YOU: I'm an accountant.
OTHER PERSON (cocking their head slightly in disbelief) That's your job?
YOU: Yes.
OTHER PERSON: But how do you make your living?
YOU: I sell my blood. To Satanists. For their rituals.
OTHER PERSON: Oh well that makes a lot more sense.
Anyways, I have not one but two shows upcoming I need to tell you about. The second one, of course, is "Tell Your Friends!", and to be honest, we have such an awesome lineup that I don't even need to sell you on it. The information is below.
The first one, however, I need people to come out to. I'll be taping a half-hour set to send in to Comedy Central in the hopes that they'll be giving me one of those fancy half-hour specials they seem to enjoy producing.
It's two weeks from now, on Sunday, February 19th, at Mo Pitkin's, which is at 34 Ave. A, on the corner of East 3rd St. It will be at 7:00pm, and the cover will be five dollars, and there's no drink minimum, although you are encouraged to drink if you like to. My friends Rob Paravonian and The Domestics will be opening for me.
-----------
FEBRUARY 6th
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW
WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn
Baron's been seen on VH1'S "Best Week Ever," and is heading to the presitigious Aspen Comedy Festival
AND:
Tom Shillue
has been seen on his own Comedy Central Presents half-hour special, Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien, and The Daily Show, as well as many commercials.
Christian Finnegan
has been seen on his own Comedy Central Presents half-hour special, he's your favorite commentator on VH1's "Best Week Ever," he was Chad The White Guy on Chappelle's Show's "Mad Real World Sketch," and much more.
Liam McEneaney
from Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"
Todd Levin
From "Premium Blend," and is heading for the Aspen Comedy Festival. Shit's blowing up, yo!
Jay Nog
Teaches standup comedy to grade school kids
AND OUR MUSICAL GUEST:
The Domestics
Making their triumphant return to Tell Your Friends!, they once opened fot Echo & The Bunnymen in Las Vegas
AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY
WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."
Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney
Thursday, February 02, 2006
A MILLION LITTLE PUNCHLINES
Okay, so I'm getting tons of e-mails about my appearance on Oprah last week, and I guess I should clarify a couple of things about my autobiography (Clowny Tears: A Million Little Punchlines - A 100% Factual Memoir That Will Inspire You With Its Utter Truthfulness And Sincerity, with a foreword by The Pope):
* When I said that in 1997 "I jumped out of my car while it was going 90 MPH and ate that state trooper in a drunken rage," what I meant was "I fell out of the bumper car at Coney Island and gave the attendant screaming at me a dirty look."
* There's a segment in my book where I go to rehab, where I meet the guy who hired me to kill the President of Mexico. Instead of "rehab," that should be "Denny's," and instead of "kill the President of Mexico," that should be, "clean the bathrooms with a dirty sponge."
* In the foreword, that should have read "by Pope Benedict XVI - impersonator, Jeffrey Levine, available to play the Pope at parties, luncheons, and the writing of forewords to otherwise factually-accurate memoirs."
* When I wrote that, "In the midst of all the freebasing Clorox we were doing, Al Gore's daughter leaned over and whispered in my ear, 'Deforestation makes me so hot'," that should have read, "And that's when the restraining order arrived."
But other than that and a few dozen other things I can't mention until my lawyers look at them, I stand behind everything I wrote.
To my readers who are also on my e-mail list, yes this was the e-mail I sent last week. Please forgive me, I am creatively exhausted.
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* When I said that in 1997 "I jumped out of my car while it was going 90 MPH and ate that state trooper in a drunken rage," what I meant was "I fell out of the bumper car at Coney Island and gave the attendant screaming at me a dirty look."
* There's a segment in my book where I go to rehab, where I meet the guy who hired me to kill the President of Mexico. Instead of "rehab," that should be "Denny's," and instead of "kill the President of Mexico," that should be, "clean the bathrooms with a dirty sponge."
* In the foreword, that should have read "by Pope Benedict XVI - impersonator, Jeffrey Levine, available to play the Pope at parties, luncheons, and the writing of forewords to otherwise factually-accurate memoirs."
* When I wrote that, "In the midst of all the freebasing Clorox we were doing, Al Gore's daughter leaned over and whispered in my ear, 'Deforestation makes me so hot'," that should have read, "And that's when the restraining order arrived."
But other than that and a few dozen other things I can't mention until my lawyers look at them, I stand behind everything I wrote.
To my readers who are also on my e-mail list, yes this was the e-mail I sent last week. Please forgive me, I am creatively exhausted.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
POP GOES DIESEL
Punk rocker Iggy Pop once was in the audience of a show where I performed, and afterwards I went up to him, one idol of an art form to another, and said, "Mr. Pop, I'm a big fan."
And he said, "You are a big fan. That's why you blow so hard."
That's when I saw how leathery he was, so I shot him and used his his skin for a purse.
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And he said, "You are a big fan. That's why you blow so hard."
That's when I saw how leathery he was, so I shot him and used his his skin for a purse.
ALL THE LANDED GENTRY-FIERS
One thing I find funny are all the people I know who like to brag about shitty their neighborhood was when they first moved there.
"Oh man, this place used to be a war zone. The restaurant we're sitting in? It was a veteran hospital that fronted an amputee fetish whorehouse.
"That corner had an ATM machine that used to dispense crack."
And I'm supposed to be really admiring, because they're supposedly tough for having survived.
You know what's really tough? Going into a job every day so you can afford to not live in a neighborhood like that.
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"Oh man, this place used to be a war zone. The restaurant we're sitting in? It was a veteran hospital that fronted an amputee fetish whorehouse.
"That corner had an ATM machine that used to dispense crack."
And I'm supposed to be really admiring, because they're supposedly tough for having survived.
You know what's really tough? Going into a job every day so you can afford to not live in a neighborhood like that.
