The Liam McEneaney Experience

Read it here!

I was featured in their comedy section for their "Joke of the Week":



Anyway, the show it's promoting is listed in the post right below:

Here's a badass flyer for a show I'm doing next Monday to kick-off my European tour. (You can click on it to make it much bigger.) (Just added: Demetri Martin)



And here's info on a show tonight that you should also come check out:

Monday, October 22nd
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., corner of Allen
8:00pm - $5.00

HOST: Eric Kirchberger

WITH:
Joe Garden
a writer/editor for The Onion

Liam McEneaney
from Comedy Central's Premium Blend and VH1's Best Week Ever

Rob Paravonian
from Comedy Central and the Internet sensation, "Pachelbel Rant"

Seth Herzog
the NYC comedy hurricane

Brent Sullivan
a funny young man with lots to say

and of course, our house band, A Brief View of the Hudson

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" several times, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test new material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull more than its weight alongside other downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Jim Gaffigan, and The Daily Show's John Oliver are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space during the show's two-year run, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson... (and) a slew of acts likely worth crowding into a hallway-sized room for."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

* "'Tell Your Friends!' This, the well-earned title of Lolita Bar's upcoming comedy show, rings true for anyone looking for a good time and great comedy... (The comedians') collective resume spans Comedy Central, including "The Daily Show," "Premium Blend" and "Live at Gotham." They are simply some of the best club comedians in America today." - The Times Herald-Record (Upstate NY)

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

I so rarely write about any road gigs I do, and mostly it’s because there’s a depressing sameness to them. But I just did a fun show, so here’s a little window into my life:

I went up to Canada a couple nights ago, did a show for the kids at a college up there. I flew up to Detroit Metro Airport and then connected to the Chippewa “International” Airport in Sault Ste Marie, MI. (I added the quote marks there myself. Although it would be hilarious if the staff there just kind of rolled their eyes and said, “Who are we kidding? I mean, really?”) And actually, that’s where I’m writing this entry right now, waiting for my flight home.



At Chippewa "International" Airport. Guess who forgot to pack a comb?

I’d never gone through Detroit International Airport before, and if you’ve never been, there’s a big metal tunnel you go through, really long, like something you’d see Storm Troopers running through in Star Wars. I’m guessing a quarter mile long, no exaggeration. Okay, and the walls are brightly-lit solid colors that change in time to this weird trance music that pulses through the walls. It’s like they’re saying, “Welcome to Detroit. If you’re here, you’re either on drugs or you’re going to be. Either way, let’s get you ready.”

And I’m going to say that I would love to be as relaxed at my job as the people who work at airport food stands. Seriously, they ain’t got nowhere to go, so why you got to be all rushing me! I mean, I always wanted to find a woman to grow old with; I just didn’t think it would be waiting on my sandwich at Einstein Brothers Bagels, Concourse C.

Okay, so I got on this tiny, cramped plane. And I’m always mindful that folks outside of the US have this stereotype of how Americans are, and it’s usually some cowboy Larry the Cable Guy kind of person, and it’s unfair because most Americans aren’t that way and you can’t base these stereotypes on bad movies that make it out of the US. And then I’m on line boarding this plane, and I hear a very strong, Southern, redneck voice behind me say loudly, “Who yew talkin’ to, faggot?” And I turn to look, and this is a guy in full camouflage gear talking to a guy in a full-on hunting outfit, and I mean down to the bright orange vest. And they’re talking loudly about the fireworks they’re bringin’ to the show. And it was like someone was making a movie called, “Oh! Those Stupid Americans!” and told the leads to show up in character.

Okay, so I get on this tiny, cramped plane. And I mean, it was so small we picked up a hitchhiker on the way. (You’re welcome.) And the flight attendant is reading us the preflight safety instructions – over a loudspeaker – to all seven of us. Even though she could have literally sat us all down in a circle and explained it personally. Right, and so she’s telling us about how our seat can be used as a flotation device, and I look out the window and I shit you not, I saw that it was a plane with propellers. What is this, World War I? Forget the flotation device, lady; I want to know how to avoid getting shot down by the Red Baron.

And then she proceeds to tell us how to use a seatbelt and offer to show us if we can’t figure it out. And I’m sorry, but if you don’t know how to use a seatbelt, you aren’t making it. In fact, I said, “If you can’t use a seatbelt, please raise your hand because I’m using you as a flotation device.”

Okay, so I got to the Canadian airport in a cab – and thank God, I had plenty of time to hear the driver’s views on why kids these days are disrespectful of their elders. No lie, it felt like I was stuck in a conversation from about 1957, down to the complaints that the kids who hang out at the malls don’t hold the doors for the elderly. I was expecting him to sing “Kids, I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today,” from Bye-Bye Birdie.

I mean, was there ever a generation that thought the youngsters were anything but snot-nosed punks? I guarantee there were cavemen saying, “Them kid with them fancy wheel rolling around. In me day, we no have fire. In me day, we club Stegosaur with rock and we like!!!!”

And we got to the border. And if you work for Canadian Customs and you found this blog by Googling me, I apologize for lying to you at the border; and not only lying, but lying in a very obvious, borderline-insulting way.

See, I ended up getting held up at Customs for quite a while; I didn’t have a visa to work up there, and I’ve heard enough stories about guys getting turned away to be wary about telling the truth. So I told them that I was just visiting a friend overnight.

And let’s take a look at this story; I was asking the good people of the Canadian government to believe that I took a flight to Detroit, then a connecting flight to Sault Ste. Marie, MI, then got a cab into Canada to visit a friend. For about twenty hours. On top of all that, I could not for the life of me remember the name of the friend I was supposedly visiting, the woman who booked me. Let’s be honest; I choked under the pressure. It only took a minute to remember her name, but what an agonizing, drama-filled minute that was.

Especially since I know I look like I either sell weed or at least use it. Even though I don’t. Really, the only way I could have come off as more suspicious is if I showed up in a torn, bloody undershirt and screamed “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GUN SHIPMENTS, MANG??!!!!!”

And, because I was only staying overnight, in my bag I carried had a pair of underwear, socks, and my laptop. But I got through Customs. And I had a great time. You know it’s a good show when the audience takes you to a strip club afterwards. And then buys you a lapdance. OH, CANADA! (Bravo, sir. This is why you’re the finest comic mind of your generation.)

No one believed me when I said this – and I wouldn’t believe me either, but I’d never had a lapdance before. So the dancer gave me the rules, the big one that you're not allowed to make "mouth contact" with her. And i'm going to be honest, I was really happy to hear that; I don't want any part of someoen who has had strip club customers' mouths all over them touching me. And the sad part about this lapdance was, was, I couldn’t really enjoy it either, mostly because I felt too much pressure to – and this is going to sound so incredibly neurotic that I can’t believe I’m admitting this in a public forum – but I felt too much pressure to get a boner. Like, if I didn’t get a boner while she was grinding me, it would somehow have been a silent rebuke of this woman’s attractiveness or dancing skills.

And the more I worried about it, the harder it would become for it to become harder. Which is doubly hilarious, because I’ve met enough strippers now to know that they genuinely don’t give a shit about you, the customer. But I am a really, really oddball guy, and I’ll always be the first to admit that.

At this strip club, the only employee I really felt at ease with was the waitress, and I realized that it was because she had the same attitude as most of the women I meet in New York City – that of someone who has pretty much heard every sleazy come-on and pickup line from the dregs of humanity, and is guarded about talking to any strange men she comes in contact with. It was such a familiar attitude, I immediately took a liking to her.

People ask, “What’s it like performing on the road, at a college or a club, or wherever? You know, outside of new York.” And the answer is that it’s really refreshing, honestly; New York audiences a lot of the time act like they’re doing you a favor by just showing up. And don’t get me wrong, New York has had some great audiences – some of the best! – but at the same time, because people have so many entertainment options every night of the week, it can be hard to get their attention. Whereas, if you perform someplace a little more out of the way, even if they don’t get you, you’re still something different to do and they 100% appreciate that.

But yay, I had a great time, Canada. In fact, if you’re going to visit one country that’s right on the border of the USA, make it Canada. And no, I’m not getting paid to say that, either.

Some friends of mine have written a book. And I'm tired of wishing I would, so I'm going to do that, too, I've decided.

But right now, you should buy The Dangerous Book for Dogs. I haven't read it yet, but I have seen the other stuff these guys have worked on, so I'm definitely looking forward to it. It's going to be badass, like Neil Young on the Weld album.

The first is a kickoff show for my November/December European tour. ("What?" you ask, "You're touring Europe?" Yes, and if you're in England, Ireland, Scotland, Sweden, or Germany, you can check me out at these shows.)

Anyway, I'll be kicking off my tour/raising money for my tour on Monday, October 29th, with Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, The Onion writer/editor Todd Hanson, and more. You can find the info here.

Secondly, this Monday, you'll want to check out:

Monday, October 15th
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., corner of Allen
8:00pm - $5.00

HOST: Liam McEneaney - from VH1 and Comedy Central

WITH:
Todd Levin
from Comedy Central's Premium Blend and the late Aspen Comedy Festical, and has had his writings appear in The Onion, Modern Humourist, and of course, Glamour.

Kumail Nanjiani
has just landed from Chicago, where he's made quite a name for himself in the comedy scene there

Josh Comers
is one of NYC's last undiscovered comedy treasures

Keith Farnan
from Dublin, making his return from the Boston Comedy Festival

and of course, our house band, A Brief View of the Hudson


WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" several times, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test new material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull more than its weight alongside other downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Jim Gaffigan, and The Daily Show's John Oliver are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space during the show's two-year run, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson... (and) a slew of acts likely worth crowding into a hallway-sized room for."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

* "'Tell Your Friends!' This, the well-earned title of Lolita Bar's upcoming comedy show, rings true for anyone looking for a good time and great comedy... (The comedians') collective resume spans Comedy Central, including "The Daily Show," "Premium Blend" and "Live at Gotham." They are simply some of the best club comedians in America today." - The Times Herald-Record (Upstate NY)

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

This is going to sound unlikely, if you've ever seen my act; the more I do comedy, the more inspired I am by Bill Cosby. Cosby at his best is a master story-teller who can craft these amazing half-hour bits that have punchilne-punchline-punchline, all leading to a big laugh at the end.

Part of it is the fact that The Great and All-Powerful Cos is a fantastic performer. I watched his seminal special Bill Cosby: Himself for the umpteenth time a couple of months ago, and this time I literally watched it; I sat down and paid attention to his physical presentation of his bits. The guy works so hard, I got tired; I had to take a break halfway through. And it's because he physically commits 100% to every aspect, every character, every word of every joke. It certainly inspired me to up the performing ante in my own act. Not that I'm the world's greatest at that (people who see me always walk away saying, "I loved his writing"), but I'm trying harder is all I can say.

So I'm presenting you with quite possibly the greatest routine Bill Cosby's ever done; "To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With," from the 1968 album of the same name. It's a 25-minute story about sharing a bed with his brother as a little kid. I suggest you listen to it twice - the first time, just let the comedy roll over you; there's big laughs beginning to end.

The second time, actually sit down and listen to it, really pay attention. Cosby plays four distinct characters, three of whom end up having continuous lines of dialogue; and at every point you vividly imagine each character, whom he imbues with distinct personalities and voices. And the writing is flawless; small jokes that lead into big jokes that lead into a story with multiple callbacks to earlier jokes with a huge laugh at the end. Not to mention just the sheer confidence he brings. He unfolds the bit at a leisurely pace, pauses and lets the material breathe, and doesn't feel the need to go for a laugh every thirty seconds.

I call this "The Rosetta Stone of comedy"; in it you can learn everything you'll ever need to know about what goes into good standup. Here, then, is a download link for To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With.

And I was raised on bad '70s/80s action-comedies, and so I always assumed that when and if I was ever arrested, I would be the wisecracking tough guy who begrudgingly earned The System's respect even as I thrust my middle finger in its face. I always thought it would go down like this:

ARRESTING OFFICER: You have the right to remain silent.
ME: Too bad - I wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself.

Or I'd be in court:

JUDGE: I'm fining you fifty dollars for contempt of court.
ME: Here's a hundred; buy yourself a new suit.

But the reality was way different. First of all, the arresting detectives came to my house, and I walked into the living room and the detectives were sitting there with my parents. And I wasn't about to tell these cops to go fuck themselves; seeing the look on my mom's face, I was grateful they were there. Because I knew that the worst thing the cops could to me was put me in jail, where at least I wouldn't have to hear about it forever. In face, the thought of a judge sentencing me to six-to-twelve months of not getting yelled at by my parents sounded really really good at that moment.

And I ended up in court, and when you're in court and you're surrounded by the judge and the armed officers and all the worst dregs, you don't feel very cocky. I mean, I walked in there like, "This is ridiculous, this is bullshit, fuck this place." And then you actually approach the judge and you look at his face and you realize, this is a guy who does not give a damn about you. And he said, "Do you know what you're in here for?" And I, very toughly and calmly, started crying and said, "Yes your honor please don't put me in prison where child molesters break me open like a piñata."

It didn't help that I was arrested for prank phone calling. Which is a whole other story I'll write about some other time. Needless to say, you can't be tough in prison when you're in for prank phone-calling. The other inmates would be like, "I'm in here for armed robbery and killing three cops. What you in here for?"
"I wanted to talk to Mike Oxmall and Hugh Jass."

My progressive friends always get mad at me, because i like to work at Starbucks and not local coffee shops. And they have some valid points - I should support businesses that sell Fair Trade coffee, and I should support local businesses with ethical business models.

But on the other hand, Iit's always nice to go to a place where they have "standards" for "customer service."

I went to a coffee shop, ordered some tea. The guy behind the counter said, "That'll take a few minutes." Which made sense, because there were four people behind the counter serving two customers.

I said, "Great, I'll go to the bathroom."

He said, "Then I'll wait 'til you get back from the bathroom to make your tea, 'cause that's not how I roll."

What? First of all, the only "I roll" I care about is my actual eyes rolling when this dipshit says that.

Second of all, it's not my fault you "rolled" a philosophy major in college and now can only "roll" a $7.00 an hour job.

So I said, "You know what, let me talk to the owner."

He said, "I am the owner."

"Congratulations, I'm taking my business to Starbucks."

"Great. Can you pick me up a soy latté? I don't know how to make those."

* * * * *

The great folksinger Tom Paxton wrote a scathing song in the '60s about Watergate called "Lyndon Johnson Told The Nation." A few years ago, he updated it as a song about The Decider-In-Chief:
George W. Told The Nation