This made me giggle while I was writing it, but I tried it in front of a fairly hip NYC audience, and if
they didn't like it there's just no hope:
I don't trust the Resurrection Story.
Jesus did magic tricks. Maybe Easter Monday, when they rolled the boulder away , maybe that wasn’t the end of the story.
Maybe he jumped out ten feet away: “Ta-daaa!”
And all his friends were like, “Jesus, you dick. You really had us going.”
And then Matthew was writing the Gospel and he said, “You know what? Let’s end that story about ten minutes earlier.”
I met a "Prophet" tonight. Although a lot of what he said didn't make sense, he did say this, that America is corrupt and that our idea of liberty is a whore. When I asked him what he meant, he said, "God built up a nation with everything she could desire to help the world prosper and she used her liberty to be a whore and fornicated with all nations for personal gain. And she left the hungry unfed and the naked unclothed."